Denise--

This is TOO wierd, but I went through the SAME thing with my mother. We'd had very difficult times when I was growing up and there were several years (when I was in my 30s) when I was totally out of communication with my parents. They'd fly out here to visit with my son and I wouldn't even see them...

Although we were back in touch when I hit my 40s, the relationship didn't really improve until my mother was diagnosed with cancer, when I was about 44. I went through exactly what you did---coming to terms with our dysfunctional history, and building a relationship with her (and with my father, too, who was also ill).

It wasn't easy to do, but I also viewed it as a gift to myself, and to my parents. Despite their dysfunctional issues, my parents were people of enormous character. It wasn't till after they both died in 1999, that I truly came to realize the wonderful legacy they gave me.

My mother and I were never able to be fully honest, like you and your mother---I think my mother was not able to handle that, she needed too much validation....but we did share a lot. Shortly before she died, she read the book "Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood." She sent me a copy and wanted me to read it. I resisted, b/c I didn't know if I wanted to deal with what might be in it.

A couple of years ago, the movie (with Sandra Bullock) was on my cable channel, so I watched it. The whole movie/book is about a fractured mother/daughter relationship and the reconciliation that followed.

After I saw the movie, I was sorry that I didn't read the book while my mother was alive, b/c I could see that she meant it as a means of understanding, apology and reconciliation, and I think it might have meant a lot to her if I'd have read it then.

I cannot believe how much we have in common, LOL. And I'm sure we'll have many chances to talk. I've been meaning to add my e-mail address to my profile--I think I posted it once. It's Denimnpearlsgrl@AOL.com. Darn, I wish you were going in November, LOL!! Liz