24 RULES FOR LIVING IN THE SOUTH

If you visit the South, please keep the following in mind... If you are
going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's
mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a
Southern State.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road," No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color
don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up
to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet.
You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a
lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat
(yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and
we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address
our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still
take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil
them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other
two ways. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper
on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream
of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season.
Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough,
we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them.
You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your
hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four
of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine
for beating up the flag burner.



In God We Trust,

Oh, I love it! I am a true GRITS (Girl Raised In The South).

Another GRITS here.

The majority of those are right on cue. No doubt about it.

Anthony

Marcie, I loved the rules--I'm not a GRITS, but I got here as soon as I could, and got a copy of the rules as we crossed into Texas! We're died in the wool Southerners now (Texas version). Moving here was the smartest thing we ever did.

Marcie, I just figured that you knew that Diana and I just still needed some learnin'!!!

I will never forget driving through a small town in the rural south and having to get gas. I pulled into the station and an attendant came out and said. Fillrup? I said sure. He said, "Ethyl?" I wanted to say, no the name is Don, but thought better of it. Then he asked something that took me three times to finally understand. "Checkererl?" I said, "I'm sorry, what?" He said it again. "Checkererl?" I replied, "I'm sorry?" Exasperated with his hands on his hips, he repeated it one last time, but this time very slowly, so that even stupid me could understand. "Chhecck yerrrr Errrrl?" I finally got it and answered, "no thats OK, my OIL is just fine!"

You know you're in red neck country when a man introduces his wife and his cousin, and there's only one woman standing there.

I'm a GRITS too.

You GRITS are some of my favorite people -

A proud southerner here...

... and definitely NOT a GRITS! :D

Southern girls don't sweat.....they glisten ;)

There's a lot that I relate to here, and living on the Eastern Shore of Md. I consider myself a southerner, and while those things might seem funny, there is so much more that makes me love where I live! Friends and family averted ANOTHER major water problem for me when I was having fun on MIMOSA.

Checking in here. I'm a true GRITT...Girl Raised In Texas....Most fit 'cept for #3 & # 17. Soil is a different color.!
Love to go home.... always! - Michele

You might be a Yankee if....
> > 1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
> > 2) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the
> same prep school in Connecticut.
> > 3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
> correctly.
> > 4) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
> > 5) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
> > 6) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his
> own TV fishing show.
> > 7) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you
> guys," even if both of them are women.
> > 8) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
> > 9) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
> > 10) None of your fur coats are homemade.
> > 11) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife
> show.
> > 12) You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
> university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
> > 13) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
> > 14) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
> > 15) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman
> Marcus.
> > 16) You call binoculars opera glasses.
> > 17) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of
> the road and stopping
> > 18) You would never wear an applique sweatshirt.
> > 19) You don't know what applique is.
> > 20) You have no idea what a polecat is.
> > 21) Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within
> the context of a football game.
> > 22) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob,
> Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
> > 23) You don't know what a moon pie is.
> > 24) You've never had grain alcohol.
> > 25) You've never been to a craft show.
> > 26) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you
> > 27) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.

I like Grits!!!!!

LOL, Joanna.

Joanna, that is funny. However, #7? In California we said you guys also!!! Our TX friends laugh at us when we say it.