Andi we faced the same thing with Frank's mom. It was all about being independent. We went to her and we were very firm, but, compassionate. We told her that she was being selfish because it was our job and pleasure to make sure she was taken care of and that we could not do that from afar and she was no longer able to do it for herself. We told her that financially it would be a huge drain for us to keep flying (She fell and broke her hip 9/20/01 - a week after 9-1-1) all day on a regular basis to see that her needs were met and that the funds we had available to help her would be wasted. Then we told her that we could really not give her a choice in the matter and as soon as she was strong enough we were going to re-settle her close by us. We went through her house sorted things out and then hired someone to consign, sell, move (to our house and her new retirement hotel) and donate a bunch of stuff.
Then I decorated her room at the retirement place, with her stuff and some new things. She was mad for a bit until she saw what we had done and how much more attention we were able to give her. Finally she said that she wish she'd done this years ago. She is going to be 95 in October.

This is the second time I have had to do this. Almost the exact situation with my former Mother in Law but that was 15 years ago and she'd had a MI and then a stroke during bypass surgery. We went through 6 months of back and forth and then did the same thing. Actually, I have my new MIl in the same hotel as the first one and I have the same lady help take care of some of her daily needs, like bathing and laundry that don't come with the hotel. Annie, the caretaker, has been a godsend. Both times, it was the right thing to do.