Hi All,

This is really a "how would you have handled this" kind of question.

My parents visited my cousin and her husband in Oregon about a week ago. Mom was telling me about the visit, how they stayed an extra day, etc. (They have an RV and were at an RV park, not staying at my cousin's house.) Then she goes on to say that it broke her heart to see their yellow lab. Naturally I asked why.

Get this: when the baby was born three years ago, their yellow lab (who had lived in the house 4 years) was banned from the house because they don't think it is appropriate for a dog to live in a house with a child. So the dog went from sleeping in their bedroom to living in the garage. So naturally I asked my Mom what she said. She told me Dad and she decided it wasn't appropriate to say anything. This from someone who was a top labrador breeder and never hesitated to tell folks how strongly she felt about labs being "people dogs" and not belonging outside. I can't even tell you how disillusioned I was. My cousin adores my Mom and she could have made a real difference. She chose to punt instead.

Here's my question: how would you handle a similar situation? I have to believe there would have been a way to get the message across, perhaps make a real difference, and still preserve the relationship between my cousin and my parents.

I'm going to make another attempt to convince my parents to do the right thing once I have some ideas.

Thanks for listening. :)

Kathy

Kathy, (not saying what I would do is correct) but IMO, I would definitely have said something. In fact I would have said something very nicely like "since your hands are so full with the baby now, maybe it would be easier for you and "Fido" would be happier if he could come live with us"(and I would have meant it). If nothing else this would open the door for a heart-to-heart conversation with the cousins. Too many animal owners do NOT do what is in the pet's best interest!!

I would have said something too. An unhappy dog with a baby in the house is not good. Dogs are companion animals and if that dog can't be a companion they are looking for behavior problems.

I rescued a dog in the exact situation. Three kids in the house and the dogs were relegated to the garage. The little cutie I rescued had become so fearful of children, she started biting people and had to be put to sleep. That was a real heartbreaker. And the woman I got her from never told the truth about the dog's behavior.

Sad story Kathy - I just wonder if they'd listen to anyone? Sending dog to garage seems extreme to me! What happened to raising kids with pets? Maybe your Mom just did not want to be confrontational with family - some pick their battles and maybe this was not hers but strange since she is "Lab Lover" - Joanna

Kathleen, poor lab that got relegated to the garage after the baby was born! Especially after being in the house for 4 years! Don't know all the facts here, does the dog stay in that garage all day, or does he/she get to come in during the day? Does it have free run of the neighborhood during the day? I have had 3 black labs, and their happy times, quite honestly (in deference to your mother), were when they were outside and could run around and go play with their other dog friends! But they came in at night. Labs are GREAT family dogs. Maybe your mom could have started a dialogue with her about WHY the cousin felt the way she did, and gone from there. Sometimes when you are having a disagreement with people, you just have to figure out how to get them to make their own mind up in a different way rather than thrust your opinion on them.

Agree with all the opinions here - there is no right or wrong in these situations, just shades of gray. I might have said something in this situation as well - can't understand why ANYBODY would think that it wouldn't be appropriate to have the baby and the dog in the same household. Heck, our baby shares the house with 3 cats - arguably, a much bigger risk for baby injury than a lab. I am so proud of our daughter and our cats - she has finally learned to touch them gently and I cannot believe the patience that our cats (in particular, our oldest - Shadow) show towards her. The other day, she patted Shadow gleefully (still a little hard but much softer than she has before) and actually hugged him - melted my heart. I think animals have an instinct about kids and that they would NEVER deliberately injure a child unless the animal had behavioral issues to start off with.

Masaki

Oh, Masaki, I love that Shadow allows Marika some Kitty Latitude! I think that you expose a dog or cat to all kinds of situations, including children, then you've done the right thing by the kid and the dog (or cat)!

I chose my dog Daisy based on all the exposure she had as a new puppy to people - kids, other dogs, things like vacuum cleaners and lawn mowers. How sad for that Lab! He's missing out on so much.

That's a really tough one. Parents can't win when they "butt in" in their kid's lives. On the other hand, I would try to explore why they decided that the lab had to live outside, and, frankly, what kind of relationship they had with the lab before the baby. Something strange is going on there.

I would also certainly try to find the lab a new, loving, home.

Thanks everyone!

I'm going to try to talk with my Mom again.

Kathy

Why do I usualy seem to march to the beat of a different drummer? My feeling is that it is none of my business. Don't try to put my values on them.

I have to chime in here, too. I agree totally with Marcie. This poor dog thinks he's done something wrong. Your mom can still do damage control! Please keep us updated after you talk to her!

Trish

Under most circumstances I would agree and not get involved in other people's private lives but NOT when it comes to animal or child neglect. I don't think it is a matter of values when you're trying to look after the welfare of an animal.

I like the way Marcie handled it. She was not judgemental, but offered to make things easier on the household. Great solution.

When we first had our daughter, we were neophytes and banished our dog from his own room to the kitchen because we didn't know how he'd be around the baby. It turned out he adopted her. He slept by her bed and ran to us when her bottle dropped out or she woke up ... he became her sibling. We really misjudged. Many new parents just don't know and over-react. There should be training.

Andi: I agree and love story about your daughter and your dog!!!

I am very sympathetic to animals experially when it is a matter of health or safety. In this case it looks like the lab is put in the garage at night to sleep only and during the day has the run of the yard. I'm sure this well-loved pet gets lots of love and affection during the day. I could have reached the wrong conclusion.

McKeever,

You definitely reached the wrong conclusion. When I said "living in the garage", that is exactly the situation. This dog is in the garage most of the time and gets little or no attention. Without question, an abusive situation.

Definitely WRONG. It is abusive.

WOW... that IS sad.

Ardis, I, like you, thought the poor thing couldn't be in the garage ALL day. I just didn't think someone would do that. A lab needs so much room to run and play, not to mention some attenton now and then. I wonder why they are keeping the poor thing? Surely someone would take him.

Kathleen, please let us know what happens if you can.

Kathleen, I saw this thread a little belatedly and tried to mind my tongue because hearing about this kind of abuse -- and yes, I do think it is abuse -- makes me so angry. I simply can't understand how someone could relegate a dog that had been a part of the family to a dark garage to live. Heartbreaking. But things like this happen more often than we can imagine. So I went to bed last night and woke up this morning thinking about it, trying to be rational rather than just angry.

It is very difficult to confront these types of situations when you want to maintain a cordial relationship with the "perpetrators," as obviously your parents do with these relatives. Much easier if you don't care what the people think. Perhaps your mother could approach the relative and gently guide them -- or more forcefully drag them if an initial gentle approach doesn't work -- to contact a local lab rescue group, assuring the relatives that breed-specific rescue groups are diligent in placing dogs in good homes. Maybe these people don't know about breed-specific rescue groups and the good work they do, instead thinking that their only option is to take the dog to a shelter where it may be put down within a few days. It seems clear that the relatives don't care enough about the dog's well-being to give it a good home, but maybe at least they would welcome a chance to see that it gets a good home. I would think a lab rescue group would jump on this case with help; anyone who loves a particular breed can hardly stand to hear about a situation like this.

So there's my two cents. If there is any way I can help by doing some research into lab rescue, please let me know. And, if possible, do keep us posted on the outcome. Best of luck.

Right, pkd! Another tactic would be for your parents to approach the relatives from the standpoint of the benefit TO THE CHILD to be gained from interaction with animals, such as the family dog. When I was an infant (back before the earth had fully cooled!), my parents had no dog. So my parents got me one -- a little black Cocker puppy named Betsy. My dad brought her home and put her in my crib. Thereafter, Betsy and I were inseparable playmates during my childhood. When I was old enough, I was assigned some responsibilities in caring for Betsy, such as feeding her and making sure she had water. So, having a "canine buddy" is really good training for a child.

Having a child in close contact with a dog really presents no health risk to the child -- or to the dog. One of the many reasons dogs became popular as house pets is that they have almost no diseases in common with humans. Rabies is an exception, but it's a legal requirement that all dogs be vaccinated against rabies in every area I know of.

Thanks,
Richard

I help with Cairn Terrier rescue occasionally. I might have a home for a lab coming up.

A friend of mine rescues labs and his girl., Savannah, is about ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge. His other lab, Billy Bob, is looking for a girlfriend to keep him company.

Thanks everybody. Great suggestions and I will follow up and try again with my Mom. We've adopted several of our dogs from the lab rescue here and I'm sure I can get a name from the woman who runs it.

To be honest, I'm kind of thinking that if I can't get my Mom to do something, I might be able to report the situation. Unlike my parents, Todd and I could care less about maintaining a relationship with my cousin and her husband after finding out about this. And I wouldn't have any problem being openly identified as the one who reported them. We'd be happy to take him ourselves, actually. Our black lab, Holly is 12 and we don't have many more years left with her. She misses her "brother" (we lost him to cancer a few months ago.)

As always, thanks for being there. It's so nice to have a place to come where you know folks will understand and try to help.

Kathy

Kathy: I don't envy your situation - I have thought about this dog ever since you posted - yes, great to come here for advice everyone so caring - Joanna

Kathy,

What if you called your cousin, say Mom had a nice visit and it was good to catch up a bit second hand oh and by the way, Mom mentioned the dog - and you are looking for another lab if she was interested in finding a home of her...

Kathy, best of luck. One way or the other, I think, I hope, that with your efforts this dog is on the way toward living out his life in a better situation. Good suggestion, ChatKat. Maybe that will work.

Fingers crossed for a good outcome.

Richard, I just saw your post. I wholeheartedly agree that interaction between children and animals is positive -- teaches children how to be gentle and caring and responsible. I try to understand that some people simply don't make a connection with animals, and that doesn't make them bad, but on the other hand it also doesn't excuse "throwing away" a pet to live under neglectful (at best) circumstances.

Okay, I'd better not get started on a rant ....

Kathy, I'm so happy that you care about something as important as this. I think you've had many good suggestions. As you said, you're not the one trying to salvage any relationship with these cousins so I really encourage you to ACT SOON.
We own a rescued lab and I can assure you that the Lab Rescue groups across the USA are one of the strongest and most active. Labs are very easily placed because of their intelligence and gentle dispositions. They're known for being GREAT with children!

Time is of the essence to get this poor dog out of living in the garage. Please keep us posted.

Well, we have a plan. I spoke with another cousin, one much closer in age to "problem cousin" than I am. She recently lost her yellow lab to cancer and is as outraged as I am about this situation. She's going to call, couch the request in terms of how devastated her daughter is at the loss of her pet, and speak to "problem cousin" about adopting the dog.

I expect "problem cousin" will want to be paid, she's always one with an eye on the wallet, but luckily, that's not a problem for either of us.

Fingers and toes crossed, everyone.

OH I hope this great solution works!!!

Great news, Kathleen! You are this dog's angel.

Absolutely! All fingers and toes crossed!!

Masaki

This sounds like a very tactful solution. I hope it comes off.

Our rescued kitty (now a year old) loves to play and sometimes gets a bit rough, however, when my grandchildren 2 and 4 come over, he is just a mush. Animals are such a gift - they just have to be trained properly and watched closely when children are around. Hope it works out for the Lab - it's sad. :(
j.

Just keeping close tabs on your situation, Kathleen. Any update for us yet?

Trish

Hi Trish,

Tentative good news and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. We've managed to come to terms (read financial agreement) with "problem" cousin and her husband. "Good" cousin and her daughter are scheduled to leave on Wed (day after school gets out) to "visit" and come home with their new dog. They'll be driving since we're all leery about flying a dog, especially at this time of year. Too many horror stories of planes sitting on the tarmac and animals dying in the sweltering hold below.

My fingers and toes are still crossed, but things are looking up. :)

I'll post again once they are all safely in the car and on their way back home to PA.

Thanks!

Kathy

That's great news Kathy! Sure hoping everything goes as planned. We'll be anxious to hear.

Ditto what M said. Great news!

Kathleen, fingers crossed here too! Sounds very positive. I'll be waiting for the done-deal report.

Kathleen,

I am just catching up on some posts and finished reading your thread.

My heart breaks for that sweet Lab. I am hoping that this possible turn of events will bring back the love and care this precious pet deserves. Please let us know how it turns out.

Kathy, would love to hear any updates on the lab?